Owning our mistakes

My grandmother is 81 years old and two years ago she fought with her daughter where neither one wanted to make peace, leading to not talking to each other.

Sobs filled my grandmother’s room. Her daughter was angry all day, and she immersed herself in her work to forget about it, and that is why every time they FaceTime, they never say “I love you,” nor “sorry.” Years pass, and the experience is the same. That was the story of my grandmother and her daughter.

My aunt waited for two years to say “forgive me.” Luckily now, my grandmother and my aunt reconciled and happiness is their companion, but, what if my aunt had been stubborn and never made amends with her mother? Years would go by until the sad day comes where my grandmother dies. There are occasions where forgiveness is hard to ask because we want the other person to ask first since we don’t want to accept our mistake. Unlike my aunt, people may dig in their heels and not take the first step.

And that is exactly the mistake I made which has had an effect on my life.

“Valentina, she told me that,” my best friend says.

“I should ask her then.”

“No because she wouldn’t tell you,” my best friend replied.

“You are right.”

My best friend was telling me that my ex-best friend lied to me, so I texted my ex-best friend. She was contradicting me, and I believed she was telling the truth.

“She is telling the truth, maybe you heard wrong,” I say to my bestie.

“No, you are playing her game, just trust me.”

I texted my ex-best friend again, basically, we were having an online fight, it was that much the “aggressiveness” that we stopped being friends. I had two options, whether I first apologize or wait for her to do it, I chose to wait. Did it work? No. These days I see myself and I regret it because I waited so long, at which time I should have apologized.

Why does it cost us to apologize? Why is it too hard for us to accept our mistakes? We are afraid of appearing incompetent in front of our friends, but we don’t realize that it is worse to be viewed as a fake person, someone who is not vulnerable enough to accept mistakes. And, honesty is not just about being real with yourself, our strengths, but also our blind spots. When being real with yourself, people would trust you.